worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
