the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I deserve this hangover.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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