K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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