im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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