Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
