From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
