I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This baby is an asshole
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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