dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
