How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
