He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
