I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
