take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well you can't waste a boner
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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