I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
