Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
