I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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