ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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