I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
