I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
