Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize