Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize