Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
