He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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