did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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