Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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