Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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