no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
