last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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