So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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