I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
