I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
