i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
