whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
