I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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