If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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