if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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