Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
