she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
