but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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