I have demons in me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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