I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
