The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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