the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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