I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
