I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
