He passed out mid-signature
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
