it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize