you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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