ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
