i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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