I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
