does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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