i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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