dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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