NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
