someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
