we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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