She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
