Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize