so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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