Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
