Swine flu. Run for my life!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
