soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize