chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
