I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
