I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
