She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just invented taco cereal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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