he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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