After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize