after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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