the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
