Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
