Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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