I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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