I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
