her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
